One of these days...

So it's been 4 years, almost exactly, since I've used this blog. But seeing as I have a bunch of friends on my Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr, there's no other place I can post long streams of consciousness besides here, other than making a whole new site/blog/whatever. So here we are again.

Pretty much, a LOT has gone on in the years of being 20 to 24; a lot of very good things and a lot of pretty bad ones. But overall, the good has outweighed the bad. I know many more great, amazing, talented people that I'm glad to share the moments with. But enough about that.

Pretty much the main reason I had to write something was to just get it off of my chest. I'd contemplated just writing a blog like this in Word and just having it on the computer, but the slight prospect of someone finding this at some point or me rediscovering it after time has passed is more intriguing. As it stands now, any document on my computer isn't so easily found.

Right, the point of this. Well, Over the past year there has been a sudden influx of females in my life who I've laid with and been attracted to, yet none of them have turned out to be any sort of relationship. Some of that falls on me and my lack of substantial funding, but all in all it lies in the ether. I haven't any exact clue why things haven't worked out beyond a romp or a few dates, other than certain circumstances.

For one, it was her last day or so before leaving the country for a year. She's a great girl and a good friend, and in the back of my mind at least, I kind of knew it would happen eventually. A great experience overall.

For another, it was a few casual get-to-know-you type of dates which lead to her going back to college in the fall and us falling out of touch, what with her busy schedule. She's someone who I'd been attracted to her for years even without so much as meeting in person, but her late night Facebook message started the ball rolling and I knew I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by. She's technically my "one that got away" but I know we most likely would not work out in the end.

Yet another, she had been a really close, good friend for almost a year after just meeting through social media and realizing we'd be going to the same college. I'd been immediately attracted to her though she had lead me on for quite a long time as she had recently gotten out of a long relationship. Understandable sure, yet I grew frustrated after several months and we stopped talking. A few weeks later, we reconciled and made the decision to give it a go. Not everything went exactly to plan, but we had fun and found out what we had been wanting to know. In the end, it wasn't a match, but she's happy now, so that's where it ended.

And the most recent, at the end of the summer, at my best friend's wedding. We'd been the only single people in the wedding parties and got matched up together. After the night before getting to know each other and a fun filled day of an emotional roller coaster, our attraction to one another took over in the twilight and it was incredible. I felt something a little more that night, but I suppose I was more in amazement that this "straight out of a novel/movie/piece of fiction" could have happened to me. And as predicated, it's especially not something that happens to me and hadn't happened before. Nonetheless I was happy to oblige her requests and it was great. However, after returning home, it just didn't work out, for reasons that are ridiculous. But such is life,

Which finally brings me to the real reason I had come here to post. Recently, a girl I'd been attracted to, a friend of a friend, decided to come at me pretty fiercely with fried requests and tweets and an overall want to get ot know me better. Now, I know better, but I got my hopes up a little high this time. We'd conversed for days and generally made each other laugh, but I'd only met her IRL once, and it was mostly just a passing hello and some nonsense. But I definitely knew who she was, and until about a week before she'd messaged me, I'd completely forgotten about her. I'd had an opportunity to go out to see her last night, but overslept and blew it. Hopefully not the last time I get a chance, but judging by her lack of responses today, not likely. For such an attractive girl that has so many friends I figure it near impossible. But, then again, she reached out to me before I did anything remotely forward.

So, from this I hope that I get back on track. The year prior was complete shite in every aspect, yet this past year has made me hopeful for the future once again. I'm just going to try to land on my feet with my head held high and hope that eventually I can come home, or go home, to a lady that'll hold on while she sleeps. Those are really my favorite moments out of every relationship, and I always always always lay there with a huge grin and try to remember the feeling. Because it is always fleeting... and with each one, I'll never forget it.

It's a long ways to the bank....

so forget naming the posts in numbered lyrics, thats too tough.

things have been fluctuating over the past month or so on being really great or pretty terrible, with variances in between. work is alright, there are a few new faces and it has made for some interesting storylines but nothing significant has really developed. friendships are, in general, starting to take shape on whether or not theyre going to be important or not. the future is looking extremely uncertain as each day passes, as changes are going to have to happen on a large scale in a short amount of time.

pretty much its looking like this: i'm working a job that pays minimum wage and gives me less than thirty hours a week, which is paying for my expenses just barely, which isnt going to cut it soon. i need to find a job for the weekends/another job and perhaps ditch this one all together. that'll likely happen in January as i feel bad leaving high and dry during the holiday season; they probably wont need me anyway since it'll get so slow after christmas.

after acquiring this new/better paying/full time job, ill save some money to take bartending classes and/or get myself prepared to try my hand at bartending and hopefully end up with a nice job doing that, making decent money. from there I'm going to decide whether I want to go to full sail or not, and its not looking so great right about now. I'll be 21 by this point so I'll be looking to move out of my parents house and get my own place, with a friend or not, and work from there.

thats all i've got "planned" out for now but who's to say that it'll work like that? plenty could go wrong but thats what i'm going to try to go for. nothing else is looking up for me at the moment and i realize how independent i really have to be now since its pretty obvious that everyone else i know has so much on their plate that they are more concerned about themselves than i am about myself. theres so much more i could be doing with myself but yet i tend to spend more time enjoying it than working, and apparently thats not going to work in this society too well, which is really a shame.

I'm never gonna leave you, I'm never gonna leave; Holdin' on, ten years gone

over 4 months have gone by and things are drastically different.

first off, the summer was pretty great for the most part. there were plenty of excursions to Allegheny State Park and the National Forest for some camping and hiking, there was a trip to Canada to stay in a cottage on the beach, there were some Guest Speaker shows at various locales that drew pretty well. there was some herbal enjoyment and plenty of changes. my buddy got a place downtown and it's opened up all kind of good times and new acquaintances. I've been there a decent amount of times, usually once a week on average.

I worked a few jobs and made a decent amount of money, at least enough to where i'll be completely poor soon rather than already. i worked for a company that rented out tables, chairs and bounce houses and that paid very well. then i worked at the Erie County Fair for almost every single day of it, working a grill under a tent. not too bad but i essentially got swindled moneywise. lame but still got money.

this was the first summer in about 4 years that i didnt attend a concert and that definitely says something. i mean there wer concerts in the area/surrounding area but nothing i could stake money for or were really worth going to in my eyes. kinda lame but hey it happens.

obviously, priorities that were set forth before changed. while the job was definitely in the top 3 priorities, it took a backseat to me enjoying my potentially last summer in Buffalo with all my friends. not everyone (not many) know that but the news will be coming hard and fast in the near future. not sure how many will really care but thats something to look at later. back to the prioities, exercise is still important but ive focused more on changing eating habits. bigger lunches and smaller dinners, and just lowering calorie intake in general. that'll set me up for an effective routine when i start being super busy.

and as for now, I've got a 'scab' job at New Age Creations at the mall, where I'm going to be filling in random days for people for the most part and it'll be a little source of income. I've also applied to Noco right by my house and given them all available hours i can give. hopefully i can get a solid 20+ there and start saving some loot.

while all this working hopefully goes on I'm going to apply for Full Sail University in Florida and, since my loans will have to be paid for if I dont, I'll likely be there by November. yes, as in less than two months I'll be away from this area for about two years solid. there'll be some breaks here or there but who knows if i'll have money to come up when the opportuinty arises. i'll be going to classes 40 hours a week and probably have a part time night job, pretty much killing myself, but it's what I'll have to do to maintain a lifestyle/pay for housing and food and the like. my sleeping pattern will change and I'm hoping to adapt to that. pretty much I can already see it for an average day: get up, shower, eat, classes, lunch, classes, dinner, work, home, homework, sleep, repeat. it'll be grueling but i might as well get used to it seeing as in the field I'm planning on entering, 65+ hour weeks are typical. yikes.

i'm going to try my hardest to keep this thing updated every now and then, especially since I'm sure communications with friends will unfortunately break down a little as everyones lives get hectic and while I'm away this'll be a little update to everyone on what's going on.

peace&love

Rick



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you never learned, the rules have changed since we were nine

long time no post again, and all apologies.

the month of april has been an interesting one; there have been trips to foreign lands, holiday and birthday celebrations, and a decent amount of interesting happenings. the weather's gotten an awful case of identity disorder and keeps flipping between scorching and somber. luckily, its about that time when it's mind gets made up and we enjoy the outdoors much more. in just the past few days when we've had a high of at least 75 i've realized just how much i appreciate nice weather. winter was so long and bleek, boring, depressing, that i nearly forgot how beautiful it can get in this neck of the woods.

i want to make sure that i get out more and bike, rollerblade, play basketball and football, and just overall exercise. pretty much my order of priorities goes: job, gym/exercise, relationship, school. though, in reality, my job is what's getting me to school and school is always the number one in the shadows. if i can secure a decent 25-35 an hour job that pays well, then i'll have money to hit the gym and work on getting in shape. at the same time i'll be trying to diet. then, seeing as i'll actually have money for dating and such, i'm rather sure that my focus will go back to the female species, though it's really always an option. and then i'll be back off to school, likely in florida. time to start putting things together.

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Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - No Sunlight
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Eight days a week...

so, the month of april has definitely had its high points and its low ones. the month started off great with three concerts in four days; Stars was alright but i guess i was expecting more. Minus The Bear and Portugal the Man killed it, MTB played everything ive wanted to hear them play live and i got a setlist, and Portugal played both older and newer songs and put on a great showing. the Big Sleep were alright but they did a lot with a minimum amount of things at their disposal; Explosions In The Sky were fucking rad, they played a lot of songs i knew and played most of their really intense stuff. they ended the show with Memorial and blew me away. i was pretty damn happy.

but then the lows come in to balance it out. saturday was a bummer to begin with because earlier in the week our show had gotten postponed. we made up for it with a mini-ish show in fran's basement, then we headed to forestview and then to james' house. i left james' and went to frans to chill and the like. unbeknown to me until literally last night, the brother of a friend of mine passed away on saturday night. the wake was actually today and i paid my respects. i feel pretty bummed about that whole experience, though i definitely know there are those who feel a hell of a lot worse than me and my deepest condolences go out to them.

and in my other petty news compared to real situations, ive got a paper due on thursday and a documentary due ASAP, but essentially some time next week. pertaining to the documentary, im taking my camera with me this weekend when me, j, and fran (hopefully) go to toronto to see Autechre and stay over drinking and such. im trying to think of some topic that i can interview them about and get b-roll in the city for but im drawing a blank. we'll see what i come up with.

and as for friday, id like to celebrate my bday a bit but i doubt itll happen unless somebody else sets something up. im not too keen on making my birthday big as i get kind of embarassed with all eyes on me but something small would be cool. if anything i hope i can hang with people on sunday when we get back from toronto.


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Give us back our sins, deadly one through seven...

an interesting subject recently popped into my head; i thought about how, with my friends, we'd discussed things like who would be the first one out of our group of friends to marry or how they would be as spouses and the like but i was thinking a little dirtier as of late. essentially i was thinking about how many of my friends are probably closet freaks and/or how everyone would stack up as partners. yeah, seems kind of weird to think of friends like that but i know that my friends are really open minded and that plenty of people have dated 'within the circle,' even at this moment.

i think it would be interesting to have that conversation with just the guys and then with the girls and then as a collective group. i mean, i can see some people that wouldnt be so outright with their answers but i think in the right environment the truth could be spoken. i look forward to discussing this in the near future.


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Now playing: Minus The Bear - The Fix
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Six hundred miles will be soon cut two inches from...

thankfully the week has went quickly.

some decent classes and friends definitely helped getting through this period of time. pretty much from this point until next week saturday should be pretty alright. last night we went to a dance party to kind of celebrate natalies bday and such. tonight is har actual birthday party which will involve a lot of booze and friends and good times. i plan on getting pretty gone as i havent really drank hard in a decently long while.

back to the dance party though, i realized how much i didnt want to dance while being sober as opposed to how pumped i am about it when im at least a little drunk. i just felt awkward becuase i figure i dont look so great moving around and usually we're in a big crowd at these dance things. the contrary was true this time, as at some points we were actually the only group even dancing. pretty much the DJs did a lousy job and nobody wanted to dance to what they were playing. i had higher hopes seeing as the last party they had, they had a pretty decent playlist. i guess its just hit or miss.

not too much else developing. im sure by this time next week ill have a lot more to talk about.

5pm, $5 pints

so easter and this weekend have come and gone. haven't done to much this past week except play a decent amount of Madden 08 and listen to some cool music.

saturday was a pretty badass day though. hung out for the first half of the day, then went to Swiss Chalet with ash and james (sweet i know) and then went on our merry way to rochester after jes arrived. luckily we had a good atmosphere regardless of a 'rogue' member of the party, but we seemed determined to have a good time no matter what. i hadnt seen jes in a while and it was cool that we could be cool like usual. we ended up hanging out in julius' apartment and drinking/chatting until it was time to get in line for Girl Talk. between myself, james, julius, jes, and ryan we killed a 1.75 liter bottle of Jack. i was pleasantly surprised, as was everyone else. the concert was pretty sick. after a rap duo that was alright, Girl Talk came out and put on a sick set. we ended up at the very front so we were on stage right away, dancing the night away. if what he played is anything like his new album, i'm going to be pretty happy with it. a lot of new songs implemented, some that surprised me, and some oldies that are goodies. after the show we took our sweaty butts home and departed. it was a genuinely good time.

today was alright. i woke at noon (we hadnt gotten in until 3 the night before) and immediately dreaded my life once i realized that both sides of my family would be over in three hours. thankfully, mostly to the fact that my cousins were sans significant others and a little help from mr. bacardi, i had a decent time. good conversation, lots of laughs, and a breath of fresh air concerning my cousins that i was losing my attachment to as of late.

now i get to look forward to powering through this week to get to next week; the week of four concerts in five night. can't wait.

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Now playing: Motion City Soundtrack - It Had To Be You
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4pm, $4 pints...

sunday proved to be decent, as my 100 degree fever went away by midday after a long, 4 hour nap that followed after waking up at 9am. pretty much now I've just been dealing with a steady head cold and a sore throat with a minor headache. hopefully now i can start to eat as well.

my goal now is to pump myself full of stuff today so that I'm alright for band practice later today and then go from there. I just got back from UB where i decided to skip my classes because I didnt want to deal with their BS and instead handed in my camera that I borrowed and captured the video from my film. luckily half of the footage that I shot with the shitty camera came out alright with some color tweaking. the bad news is that the other half looks like crap. not that it isnt in focus or is grainy, it just looks really subdued, with very little color information. oh well, thats what it's going to have to be. I also figured out, from listening to my collection of instrumental music, that the track "Logger" by Sharks Keep Moving is going to be the song that will accompany the movie. should provide a nice background.

I'm off to get my vitamins C and B on to make sure I'm feeling well for the rest of this week, especially since I plan on boozing on friday for the party and saturday for Girl Talk in Rochester. should be a great time.

happy st. patricks day :)

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Now playing: Say Anything - This Is Fucking Ecstasy
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tres.

so today sucked. i woke up rather early to discover that, out of nowhere, i was sick as hell, essentially with what i had two weeks ago; headache, body ache, cough, nose problems, sensitive eyes. it was pretty awesome. didnt do much, watched lost and dance crew, passed out/napped, went between the ps2 and the computer a bit.

i tried to watch The Fountain because it has been on my computer for a while and it was going to be on HBO, but i couldnt stand more than fifteen minutes before losing interest. my initial attraction to it was that Mogwai had done the soundtrack but everything was just so weird and i was so lost that i couldnt bear it. nothing was explained to even the smallest extent, be it any relationships or any of the back and forth time/reality cuts. maybe ill give it another try down the road.

note to those who get sick and want to listen to quiet, gentle music: Sigur Ros is a good idea.

hopefully i'll wake up feeling a little better, as The Guest Speaker has some recording to do. we're going to be putting out a DIY acoustic EP to help generate some cash so that, along with the upcoming show on April 5th, we'll be able to get into the studio sooner rather than later. but along with the recording, i want to be bale to drink a bit at the party tomorrow night. ill probably just have like 3 or 4, or a 40 if john goes out, but its just been a while since ive been in that environment. but then again, i would rather be healthy for next weeks party as I'm DJing it/bringing the music. we'll see i suppose.

finished shooting my film yesterday. it's going to be titled "Idem" which is the latin word for "the same." you'll figure it out if you see it. my only worry is that i had to use a rather shitty camera yesterday and colors didnt look so right so hopefully Final Cut will help me salvage them and the film will look alright. i think Sigur Ros will end up being the music, or something similar because it can be more backround/non distracting but we'll see. that'll be my task for sunday.

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